Hospital Drama!

Ahoy there!

That aint cran

I've found a sliver of WIFI here at the hospital, which is nice. It is kind of off and on again but it's good to have some semblance of contact with the outside world.

Anyway – for those that don’t know I have had ACL knee reconstruction in a Japanese hospital – Edogawa Byoin to be precise. The operation went really well and from what I can understand from the doctors, nurses and orderlies my progress has been extremely rapid. Four days out and I’m flexing at 90 degrees.

Here's a small outline of what happened – beware – contents can be graphic

Sunday

I went in Sunday night with a cloud in my heart, as I would be missing the Rugby World Cup Final. I had been told that there is no WIFI here and wouldn’t be allowed if it was. Despite this I tried many way to source a way to watch it - I had even tried to coerce the nurses etc into letting me escape from 5pm to find an internet cafe/sports pub. But I needed to be back by 4pm so that plan was out of the b@stard question. So about 4.30 I thought I'd read a book on my laptop and discovered I had a tiny sliver of WIFI. Which is a miracle - it must be from a local business or something. But anyway I managed to get a tiny connection with a sports website and watched the rugby and the trophy presentation live. No food from 9pm Sunday night.

Monday (surgery day)

Woke early - sleep was not too bad and Hannah visited with snacks and loving prior to the surgery. In the OR I had my little gown thing stripped from me down to my undies while the spinal epidural was administered and I was out not long after the general anesthetic. Awoke three hours later with Hannah and nurses making a fuss and I was trying hard to speak Japanese. It all is very hazy around this point as I was in and out of consciousness and unable to sit up let alone move at all to check my position. From what I could tell I had a tube in my back to my spine, a big one from my knee, one to my vein (IV drip) and one in my wang (how pleasant). I also had two things rhythmically blowing up around my feet to help my circulation. Bollocks knows where my undies were. So yeah a fairly hazy - yet pain free day slowly becoming cognizant with Han watching Scrubs and Bear Grylls. Still no food at this point.

Not my strongest point of my stay

Monday night

Monday night wasn't so good. The bloke next to me snored like a fat drunken harpy with nine noses. That as well as the pain in my upper legs (not the operation area) were driving me spare. I was also having hot cold flushes and the annoying things on my feet were tantamount to water torture by the end of the night. A brief session of coughing yielded a lovely green vomitathon - and bless the nurses for trying so hard. Not the most fun I’ve had but I’d still rate it higher than a kick to the bollocks.

Abe-San doing a peace sign for the camera - who would've thought

Tuesday

Tuesday wasn't too bad. Food! Yes! A nurses gave me a rough sponge bath, changed my pajamas and in the late morning my IV and wang tubes were removed – by the nose of Eddie Hitler do you know how far up those things go! It was terrifying – mainly because I couldn’t communicate or receive any reassurance from the nurses! Still had the tube with red blood flowing from my knee to a bottle and confirmed that there was indeed a tube in my spine administering painkiller - which is nice if not a little horrific given that my doctor told me that the primary risk from this operation is spinal infection and should it all go pear shaped there is a high risk of paralysis. Yaaay! Hannah visited again as well as my Kiwi chum Steele and a Texan from work called Brian (one time he used the term “Darlin”). I was still pretty drugged up so couldn't write, forget about reading - even watching tv was a bit shizen. Despite this they took me down stairs to try some rehab and amazingly got a 10-degree flex from my knee - I thought it was premature but evidently not. Going to the toilet was so difficult - It's like trying to clean your ear with a piece of watermelon - everything about it is ridiculous and you get juice and pips everywhere. The toilets are too small for a wheel chair (extremely Japanese).  I also have to cart my spinal and knee ooze cannisters around my neck like some grim Gothic vampiric totem.

View from my window if I max out my bed -
even better in the morning (see below)

Tuesday night

Worst night sleep I've ever had. Sincerely. The snorer now has 1000 noses at twice the volume and my knees were aching deeply. I asked for some earplugs but they can only be purchased from the hospital cafe during the day. *sigh* Mental note - miraculously appear in that cafe and gaff em of every pair. I tried a syringe of itami-dome (painkiller) but to no avail and I eventually settled for a (self administered) suppository (zayaku) at about 5am and the sweet peace was amazing.

Wednesday

Extremely tired again due to the horror show snore/pain-fest, but the removal of my last two tubes was something to look forward too. Pity I had to watch him slowly pull about 15cm of 3 ml tubing out of my knee. But it was good to be free of those two final parasitic annoyances (even if they were there to help me;). I'm right next to the window and so I usually open it up and can look out over a cemetery and temple in the background - autumn is beautiful in Japan as is the cool air. Had rehab again today - got it to about 80 degrees which is so swift. They've also got me the largest pair of crutches I've every seen, evidently the mighty Goliath was sent here for treatment after David’s head-shot. Good healing progress though and to be honest apart from associated muscle pain in the evening, I've had no pain directly from the operation area. I bought some (me me-sen) (earplugs - yesssss) on the way back from the rehab room. Spent a nice night watching some TV shows (Scrubs and Lie to me) as I still didn't have the fortitude to read, let alone write.  Unfortunately all the movies I have brought with me are heavy heavy involved type dramas (e.g. Winters Bone), and I simple couldn’t possibly watch any of them. As soon as it was lights out I "locked in" another suppository, a minzai (sleeping tablet) and pushed those earplugs so far into my ear you'd think I had confused them with the suppository. Oh the pretty colours as I fell asleep.

Wednesday night

Slept like a rock. A rock inside another rock... on the bottom of the ocean… with Dom DeLuise sitting on it. So good.

Thursday

Hannah visited and we listened to the recycling truck collecting cans for 40 minutes. She also brought some more snacks which is nice, the food here isn't too bad but it helps to have some treats on hand (three bags of sour lollies). They put me on a machine that automatically flexes my knee 80 degrees. Some more rehab at 3pm and again was good. My physio Abiru's English is about as good as my Japanese so that makes it tricky but we get by and I'm flexing to 90 degrees now which is terrifying when you've held a ACL injury for over a year and you're two days after surgery.

But yeah as of 3 and a half days of surgery I feel great :D

A big thanks to wonderful wifey Hannah for looking after me.

You!

Izu or bust(ed) ligament

Hannah almost gets her face eaten
off by a rogue flower

Dancer: We are gassing it down the Izu Penisula coast in a fast train, also known as a Romance Car; apparently its name is “Dancer”. It is nowhere as near as fast as the Bullet train but still thwacks along at a fairly impressive pace. The window is down and my arm is outside the carriage being softly buffeted by a thick warm wind – it is bloody beautiful. So that is our latest little holiday in Japan. We’re headed to Izu-Inatori to a Ryokan Onsen resort called Senoumi for three nights. A somewhat pricey affair at 70,000 yen per person, but it includes hot mineral springs, breakfast, dinner and the train fair there and back so I think it is well worth it.

Good to see you: It is a minter of a day out as I gander out the window to my left and watch the ocean break on the rocks – it is quite nice to the see the ocean again as it has been over six months since I saw it – which isn’t long, but kind of is when your used to living a few minutes from the ocean your whole life. I used to frequently wander down to Oriental Parade back home and it’s those little difference that catch up with you, yielding a wasted sentimentality that felling that can build within you: Longing. Anyway it is good to see the big blue bastard.

Still ballin

Best laid plans of Mr and Mrs Elks: I’ll let you in on a secret- this trip was arranged a mere two days ago. We had made plans months ago to go on a cycling tour of Nagano and Niigata. We were looking forward to it as anyone would. There is a company that organizes private tours and a bloke had tailor-made us a five day tour with cycling, trekking and climbing Mt Naiba, Onsen (hot spring) and Ryokans (Japanese Inns) and it was looking great – until three days ago when he called me and told me the tour needed to be cancelled due to a shoulder injury *gutted*. I was a little disappointed to say the least but these things happen. We went back to the drawing board – a real crap drawing board though as it is Obon week – perhaps the busiest and most expensive week of the year for travel and vacation.  Seriously it is horrible hotels, tours and packages etc double, triple and even quarazzle in price. But after a day or so of faffing we organized this delightful package and we are happy as Larry. By the way, who the smeg is Larry and why is he such a cheery fellow? By the way even though it was cancelled I totally recommend the company that do the bike tours - Kevin the guy organising it did a great job catering for our needs: onelifejapan

Farewell Liggy, I hardly knew ya: To be honest it (the trip cancellation) could all be seen as a gloriously silver lined cloud (Note: I am not a “glass half full” kind of guy – I’m more of a glass moderately full sort of a fellow). We had a work BBQ in the bush on Saturday and they had this giant group skip rope activity “It’ll be lots of fun for sure.” Mmmmm - wasn’t so fun when I tore my Anterior Cruciate ligament clean in half upon landing. No sireee Bob (who is this Bob? And why the formal title?) It is an injury I started over a year ago playing football with about a 90% tear. Bam 100%! Goody. So we’re lucky really as there would be no way on God’s luscious green earth I’d be able to cycle for any length of time – let along walk for more than an hour without it ballooning up. On the moderatle sort of full side of things the swelling has receded and pain is not an issue.

Anyway that is us so far. Will give you an update from Izu-Inatori! S’gonna be great!

Today was a good day...

Just another day in radiationville


Just waking up in the mornin gotta thank God
I don't know but today seems kinda odd
No barkin from the bento guy, no smog
And Hannah cooked a breakfast with loads a hog.


Took the lil bike for a spin, swervin j-peeps, out and in
Shots some hoops, didn't pop a knee out
Stopped for a streamer coffee, low'd and chi'd out
I gotta say today was a good day.

Phew! I was beginning to wonder if this was Miami

The oppression of Japan

Yes Japan is an oppressive country. But I aint talking about a kind of pans Facist-communist regime that crushes and defeats through the hardship of minorities. I’m talking about this oppressive bloody heat. And I’ve heard it isn’t even that bad at the moment.

Within 3 days of summer you can expect to have had at least 17 conversations with Gaijin and Nihon-Jin alike; “Japan is so hot – but it’s the humidity that is the worst.” The sentiment is thrown about endlessly.

But why the complaints? The heat is good innit? Yeah to a degree (excuse the pun) - but there’s a point at which sweating 2 litres of salt water a minute and consuming a gallon of Pocari Sweat to combat it becomes annoying.

So how do you combat the sweat? I used to be a pretty sweaty lad in Welly-Boh. “Hey Bren open this jar for me?” *Sweat pours from me like the mighty Huka Falls* So I’ve been thinking – and these are the actions I’ve taken thus far and are working nicely – I don’t sweat so much at all. Go me.

And don't call me Shirley

1 - Attitude

Winona Ryder! (expletive)

First of all - As we all know our attitude shapes our reality - so bitching and moaning about how much you hate the heat will not help you. Be positive – even neutral - it’ll make it that little bit less horrific. When people say to me: “Oh my gosh I hate this heat. It’s awful.” I simply say: “I love it.” Quite often I will have a short reminisce about Wellington winters to help it seem more genuine. Shiz you’re in Tokyo, it’s hot – complaining helps? No? Then shut up.

2.0 - Hey relax chill out guy!

Sometime it’s simply the stress of activity that brings me into uber sweat mode. Instead of walking swiftly down the road on your way to work – stroll like you have nowhere else to be. Focus on being relaxed. If you’re running late to work and can’t afford the meander – sort your life out and give yourself time to mozy slowly to work each day. I’m telling you a good slow walk like that of a 90 year old is brilliant for stalling the sweat beast.

2.1 - Fake it until you make it

A lot of it is simply a mind game – don’t bow down to stress. Pretend you’re relaxed. I’m just walking down the street – no rush. I notice I barely sweat at all when walking amongst the oppression on my days off. Pop a shirt and tie on me though and I’m a human waterfall.

3 - Clothes

Like wearing a hat at a jaunty angle

Yeah obviously if your state of mind is important then by extension so is your comfort. Wear comfortable clothes – even if it’s to work. Try to wear the most comfortable clothes you have. Don’t put your tie on until work. We you do keep that top button undone even though you're wearing a tie. Wear jandals into the office – change em out at the door. The rule: Keep your state of mind relaxed.

4 - This undershirt business

Some Gaijin have said that wearing a t-shirt under your shirt is the way to go. To be honest I see the logic but haven’t experienced the results. The shirt soaks it up and thus you don’t sweat or feel like you’re sweating so much. When I tried it, it just made me hotter than buggery - way to hot. I’ve found wearing loose clothing that allows your skin to breath to be better. This also means that when cool zephyrs do jet by it gets through the one layer and chills your skin. Avoid buying or wearing heavy shirts they are like sitting in a mini sauna. This also leads into the next sneaky tip too.

5 - Yamanote hack

On the Tokyo Yamanote line just inside each carriage you will see a big aircon on the roof. The fan swings a cool breeze downward left to right. A. Situate your self directly below it! B. Arch you back slightly so it creates a gap by your collar for the cool breeze to shoot down your back. Oh my goodness it’s good. Stops the dreaded back trickle too.

6 - Become a lazy bastard

Escalators and conveyers are there for a reason – use em. Back in Kiwi-Land I used to walk up stairs and hills instead of escalators. My thinking? It’s exercise – it all adds up and stops me from being a fat bastard. Here in Japan – if you’ve got to mount some stairs and there is an escalator – use it. Tiny pockets of exertion add up and make you sweat. Stand there and say to yourself: “I may be a lazy bastard – but at least I’m not a sweaty lazy bastard.”

7 - Food

A not so obvious one. Avoid spicy food, chilli, garlic, onions and so on - these raise your body temp and cause you to sweat. Lunchtime curry? No thanks sorry champ.

8 - Avoid exercise

Not all together – there’s nothing quite like a good ole jog through the smog of Tokyo. But I strongly advise that you avoid exercise within two hours of getting ready and heading to work. With the shower temperature changes and getting dressed and all the other little chores that are required of when getting ready you may sweat continuously. It’s like your body gets confused. “Oh your making lunch – that’s exertion - I had better continue sweating.”

9 - Sweat rag

Carry at sweat rag on your person. It’s like a human chamois. They’re good for keeping the brow dry and help to keep you cooler than if you let the sweat gather. Also if you forget it take those paper napkins they hand out at the train stations. All this shiz adds up.

10 - Sweat inducing facilities

Since I arrived here I have made regular visits to a sweat inducing facility (sento, onsen, sauna spa etc). I don’t know if this helps with sweating so much but I do know it assists in reducing BO and detoxifying the shiz out of my muscles. It takes years off me every Monday night when I go hang and thang with the 70 years Japanese men in the nud.

11 - Botox

Yeah um apparently botox stops you from sweating. So ah just botokulate your entire body…

Not a drop of sweat on set

Mr and Mrs Elkano Japanese essentials

We're by no means seasoned pros (jozu) but we've noticed a few things that may help anyone planning on coming here. If you’re seriously thinking of sliding into the Land of the Rising sun then check these out. 

Take my shoes off? What a croc!

Slip on shoes: Yeah a good pair of slip on shoes – or at least shoes with very few laces. Seriously don’t under estimate the need for these. Pretty much everywhere you go you need to take your shoes off before entering and you can save your self an accumulated 7 hours a day by wearing some good sturdy slip ons. Thigh high Doctor Martins are just not appropriate I’m afraid.

Decent slippers: This is an extension of the point above. Without shoes your feet can get cold – especially in winter on the wooden floors (not everywhere has the blessed luxury of heated floors!) But the Japanese are fussy about feet and footwear so make sure they are neatish. Also presentable and lightweight as you’ll need to carry them in your baggage.

Yes very helpful...

Maps: Especially for the first week or so whilst you’re getting used to communication and transpot etc. The last thing you need to do after a long flight is faff around for an hour figuring out where your hostel is. Before you leave your native country print out a map, check it out on google earth/maps.  In fact Google streetview is extremely helpful in this regard. And this is obviously a gift from google that should be utilised for travel anywhere - not just Japan. If you've have an iPhone with a map app then you're golden. I 've seen these used by a few Japanese folk and they're very helpful! But remember if you don't have a swanky phone a bit of paper will do just as well - in a nutshell clue yourself up to make life easier.

Personal items: They say you should stock up on stuff like sunscreen and personal products you may not get here. But I’m not so sure about that. You just end up lugging it around with you. I brought three bottles of my fav Rexona Sport roll-on only to find it here in abundance for roughly the same price. Simply trust the Japanese, they have shiz for everything – make an adventure of it and get some new brand loyalty. The prices here are comparable.

Medicine: Medicine is obviously a bit different. You should stock up on this. Regulations say that you’re not supposed to bring more than two months worth but Hannah did. Japanese Customs is similar to a day of domestic test cricket at the Basin Reserve – you just wander in – they don’t check anything. If you’re coming in the tail end of winter or the beginning of Spring bring Warm clothes. It’s pretty much spring now and it has snowed in Tokyo, Takayama and Osaka which in generally is warmer than both. It’s biting cold - one day it was about 25 degrees – the next – old man winter was fondling my briskets with icicles at a low low 4 degrees.

Language: Kanji – one thing we didn’t do so much was clue up on Kanji charters. They say there are about 2000 Kanji used everyday – that’s on top of the 70 odd hiragana and katakana characters. For the sake of your dining experience clue yourself up on a few kanji. For example this one here 肉 is Meat or niku (I think). Do some investigation and find the kanji for chicken/tori, beef/gyu, and pork/buta. It’ll help a bit. Whilst you’re over here try to read everything. I’ve been here two weeks and starting to be able to read hiragana and katakana characters fluently. It’s a great feeling to look at a sign and be able to pronounce it. But this isn't always a genuine advantage if you don’t know what the word means.

“Hannah! Hannah! That sign says ‘kusuri’ I can read it”

“What does it mean though Bren?”

“I dunno… – but I can read it!”

Katakana is great though as it is basically spelling out English words for you. E.g サウナ - SA - U - NA. Sauna. 

Oh really?           Yeah true ow!

Talk: Try talking to anyone. A lot of Japanese folk have learnt some English – enough for rudimentary conversation anyway. The problem is they’re shy of making an error. So often there is a mutual awkwardness. This is the exact mirror of the way we feel when we stumble through the Japanese language. The thing is everyone wants to talk. The Japanese are relieved if you try speak Japanese or if they try to speak English without you minding the errors. Just always try to melt that awkwardness barrier. Practice one bit of Japanese and nail it with them and that will make them feel at ease. Try something simple like. “Konnichiwa. Genki desu ka”. (Hello. How are you?- or more precisely – are you healthy?) After you drop that bomb you can humbly say: “watashi wa Nihon-go chotto – Nihon-go ga muzukashi” (note this is probably grammatically horrific) it means: My Japanese is little – Japanese is difficult for me. At that stage the other person may try to lock in some English and hey presto you’ve made a best mate for life. High-fives all round.

JR Rail pass: Even though our use of these was screwed up because of the incorrect visa these are still worth their weight in gold. We purchased them for about 150,000 yen. When we did the math it was going to give us the equivalent of over 240,000 yen worth of buses and trains over a 21 day period. Do the math to see the saving there. Don’t underestimate the cost of rail here. As amazing as it is, travel aint cheap – especially the shikansen (Bullet train). Also MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT VISA.

Chums: Before leaving – ask about and make some contacts with people in Japan. Try anything. If you can have someone in Japan especially someone born and raised (playground is where they spent most of their days) here. It will help you in your journey. They can show you the Nihon ropes, introduce you to

Nihon-Jin tomodachi

others and help out with accommodation, cellphones and other stuff. Seriously unless you speak Nihon-go getting a cellphone here is a bloody mission. On top of that if anything goes wrong they can help you sort it out. For example, our trip went balls up because our JR Rail passes were invalid. We would’ve been in the schtoop had we not had our friend Izumi to take us through two hours of reschedules and rejigging. So connect with old school buddies, random strangers, that friend of a friend of a friend - anyone. So many people in Japan are friendly and want to help. They are very hospitable. We had a two-day period where we paid for nothing but a couple of train fares. We were very blessed and thankful to our gracious hosts. 

Shogun by James Clavell: This is an amazing book of fiction. It gives genuine insight into a travelers exploits in the 1600s as he is engulfed by the Japanese culture. It will give you a small but worthy insight into the language and nature of Japanese communication. But more than this it gives you a really good view of Japanese cultural history. The samurai and the nature of social interactions. Even though Japan is a million miles away from the society outlined in the book – you can still see the roots and elements in today’s culture. The other day I was reading about the Captains entrance into Osaka Castle – coincidentally enough later that day I was standing in Osaka Castle. Do it – it’s a bloody good read – whether you’re in Japan or not.

So there you go a few pointers. Give us feedback if you think there is anything else that should be added.

Tokyo oh Tokyo - where for art thou Tokyo

Back to Tokyo: Against the loving requests of family, friends and governments we decided it’s time to go home – to TOKYO!

Japanese hospitality

A Tokyoite woman stopped us in the street when we first got back – “Are you allowed to be here?” She asked politely. “Oh yes” we said smiling. “No problems – Governments don’t know jack!”

It is good to be back though – Hannah and I feel good about it and felt bad that returning might worry our family and friends. But you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do I suppose.

It really isn’t as bad here as the media made out though. A slight shortage of food on shelves - but nothing major. I’d say the worry is more due to Tokyoites being so used to convenience in abundance. There are a few elevators, escalators turned off and some shops close early but other than that Tokyo seems very much the same. A BUZZING MASS OF PEOPLE! I also think that most of the people that left were foreigners. Dirty dirty foreigners.

But YES! We’re back. We are staying in Shibuya at a fellow New Zealanders apartment. It’s a nice place and cheaper than backpackers accommodation. Cozier too. Today we went around checking out apartments – but to be honest I think we’ll wait until we lock in jobs before signing contracts. We can only afford something tiny and petit at present and we’d need to lock it in for a year so it’s wiser to hold off for now.

Koyasan -4 degrees and beautiful

The Beeb: A lovely gent stopped us yesterday with his cameraman in toe. He was keen to hear our opinions on how Tokyo is post-quake and why we are here despite the supposed risk. It was good though – he talked to us on camera for quite a while and even got a few shots of us walking through the rain with our brolly. Who knows when it’ll be on – pretty soon I imagine – maybe even right now. Keep an eye out if you have the Beeb tuned in.

Apartments: They’re quite funny these little Japanese apartments. They really are tiny. They are very similar to the kind of rooms, bathrooms and features of say planes or boats. Little compartments where space is gold!

Desperate times call for... Starbucks

Rumble in the Concrete Jungle: Despite how excited we feel and the peace we have about returning here. We have noticed there are still loads of quakes happening – some of them fairly decent. In fact there have been about five in the last 24 hours. Here is the Hannah and Brendan procedure for dealing with an earthquake:

1.     Feel earthquake.

2.     Look at each other with wide-eyes and silently communicate and acknowledge that an earthquake is occurring

3.     Briefly think of where you would hide, lay, secret yourself should the quake escalate into devastation

4.     Continue eating udon and wait for quake to stop

There are two things that we miss over here. One is cheese. Two is bloody great coffee they have in Wellington. Desperate times call for desperate measure.

Oh it's raining again. Until tomorrow folks!

Osaka Skyline